May 7, 2012 4 Comments
It’s funny how a little rain and a few clouds can bring out the mom stuff for me. Couple that with the “Mother’s Day” cards at the card shop and you’ve got a full-blown, “Oh yeah, my mom is dead. I don’t need to buy one of these.” There my darling is the silver lining.
It wasn’t one of those ho-hum days in fact it was a good day. But the rain and the cards and oh yeah, something about Laundromats always remind me of my mom. I can picture my mom looking for quarters to do her laundry. Maybe she did, maybe she didn’t but I can picture it. So, this morning with the rain falling silently and steadily, I put my dead-mom necklace on. The one that has some of her ashes. I know I know. You’re thinking, “Wow. Ashes huh? That’s odd.”But it doesn’t feel odd. I don’t know what my mom would have thought about it. I guess it doesn’t matter because she’s not the boss of me anymore.
So take all that; the weather, the necklace, the mother’s day cards and you throw in a little Barbra Streisand on the Pandora and you have a full-blown yep this is how it feels to miss your mom. And for those of you that are new to the Cheri Show, it’s not really so much the death that I mourn it’s the crap way before that.
It’s the day of Columbine that left so many parents crying in their sleep for the rest of their waking days. It’s the day my mom, at 49, had a stroke that ultimately would put her in the position to have her diaper changed and her life decided for her. Yep. It was as sucky as it sounds. To have someone a lot like me (minus the mountain bike) not feel well and then end up in a wheelchair…well I’ll come out and say it, that just kind of sucks.
I know you think I can always find a silver lining but sometimes there is none. And in case you are wondering, my mom was not like the person in the made for TV movie that becomes a paraplegic but still ends up on the other side of the mountain with a medal around their neck. Not everyone lives that life. Sometimes shit happens and then more shit happens and the next thing you know, life hasn’t turned out quite like you thought.
Why now you wonder. Why bring this up now. I want to share because I think you think that I always think things are great (and yes, I meant to do that).
I hope you reach out to all the mothers you know and wish them the best and thank them for all the rest. Remember that sometimes there are no do-overs in life. So make this one count.
Song for tonight on this rainy and chilly night: ‘Moon River’ by Barbra Streisand.